Dear Parents,
You taught me many things growing up - things I am very grateful for, believe me. You taught me to be good, so as I grew up, I tried my best to be good. I didn't stare at people, I wasn't loud in restaurants, I didn't talk back often - and when I did, I knew what I did was wrong and apologized. I was polite to people, and never spoke to strangers. You taught me how to tie my shoes. You taught me how to ride a bike. You taught me my phone number and how to write my name on all of my school supplies (just in case). Importantly, "Yes" and "No". You taught me so many things, and through the years I grew up.
Growing up I learned that not talking to people, and not looking around has made me slightly paranoid. This makes friendships hard to gain and maintain.
I've learned that, despite my being the daughter, Mother, I've become your therapist. It was my role in my group of friends, I took it well, but when you turned to me and began showing me your weaknesses, began to chip away at the pillar that labeled you my Mother, and formed it into one that simply read 'Friend' - our relationship changed. Of course you are still my Mother, and I do love you - but I am not six years old anymore, and I don't know how I can look up to someone who has to look down for advice. Dad, you just make me sad. How many times do you have to ask 'how are you' and get the response 'I'm fine' before realizing that I'm not really fine?
I've learned that everyone around me had a different curfew. This bothered me at a young age because I have always had some sort of affinity for the night. I just like to be awake. You made me go to bed. I would know that most of my friends would be awake for another hour or two, because no ten year old when to bed at nine o'clock. Now that I am twenty, my curfew hasn't been dropped completely, like it should have been - it has just been altered a few hours. Now, I must be home by midnight. I am not Cinderella. I am always safe - you taught me this.
Now, because of this curfew, you have me being bad. For the first time in twenty years I am not following your rules. You figure I will be home by midnight, but I won't be. I will probably be home by two. What time do my other friends get home by? My other adult friends? They safely get home when the gathering is over. I feel with the skills you have taught me growing up, I have learned to be safe, I have learned "yes" and I have learned "no." I feel those three things are the most important things you have taught me. Which is why I don't understand why I can't stay over someone's house if a large group of us are going to be there. If that someone is male, why can't I stay over if there are going to be other females over? Furthermore - why don't you trust me enough to take care of myself?
I remember - it's because you don't listen to me when I talk to you. Don't try to deny it, you've told me those words yourself. Of course, you could say you don't remember saying them - it doesn't matter though, I will always remember. Just like tonight, when you said that the trust between you and I was wearing thin... You said earlier to make the best decision - the best decision was to stay. I'm sorry.
I'm just going to stay at school unless I have to come home, I guess - if I disappoint you that much. I'm sorry I wasn't planned, I'm sorry I don't get the best grades, I'm sorry you can't trust me now. I'm sorry I've become a disaster child. I hope that what you wanted to hear.
With love,
;;Jereality
