Dead.

Jace died. Sometime around 9:30...pm. This night. He had been acting strange for the past couple days, and his color sort of drained. I found him face down in the rocks by the bottom of the bowl. I just cleaned it, too...I had cleaned it earlier in the week, but it began to smell like death again, so I cleaned it...I guess I know why it smelled...Jace was dying.



8/5/07-10/27/07
R.I.P Jace - you really were a cool fish. I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep you alive any longer. Though, I did think it was very strange that you'd be staring at me every single time I woke up, I did like you.

Sibling walked in a couple minutes ago...talking about what we should do with his little fish body. I said I didn't know...he was just a fish...she said to put him in a box, that it'd be cute. Said if it had a name, it was part of the family. So I said, when family dies, you put them in boxes. Then she said 'or blankets'.

We buried my first cat, Jake, in a towel. I told her she should leave. I miss Jake so much...that was a low blow, even for her. Now I'm just sitting here, in my room with a dead fish across from me...thinking about how much I miss Jake, and how amazing he was. If he were here now, he'd be right by my side. He would always - if someone wass upset and crying - be right there next to them...just to give them company. He'd stay right in front of the bookcase that was across from my bed, waiting until I fell asleep before he left, prancing in as soon as I got out of bed the next morning.

Greta is going to die soon, I think. She's got too much spirit to die though. She still acts like she's a puppy...she still wants to run, but she can't because her back legs won't work. She can't see because one eye is blind because of the glaucoma. All she can do is lay in her own pee-soaked bed 'cause she can't control her bladder anymore. She's not going to die by herself, though, not for a long time. Keeping her alive is wrong, she can't really live stuck in her bed. But I don't want to lose her either. And she loves us so much, her personality just brightens whenever one of the family is in the room with her. And I can just imagine walking into the vets office to put her down, her just thinking it's another routine thing, 'oh, look, there's my family...' and then the needle, and then she's gone. Betrayed by the people she loves the most. Then I think if she was going to die at home, in her bed...how it'll be most likely that no one will be with her when she goes. She'll be all alone...then she'll be gone...and I won't have her anymore.

I'm gonna go now...get a shower or something....I need to calm down...

Take nothing for granted, life is only so long
-Jereality

Biology Lesson...

Today we tested genetics...genotypes and the like....through five generations....It was lots of fun. We bred note card letters throughout the classroom. I was heterozygous four times and homozygous recessive three times. Bundles o' fun.

Quote of the Day
Edward: Who did you get stuck breeding with?
Me: Everyone but two girls...
Edward: Dude, you'll never guess who i bred with.....
Jello and Bigwepz
Me: O_O
Edward: Pudding even did a finger shoot at me
like the whole "i'm a charming dude, mate with me"

Ah, good times...goood tiiimes

Heterozygous orr Homozygous?
-Jereality;;^_6

Cinderellie, Cinderellie...

Ah, yeah. Very busy day today...yesterday? Saturday....I woke up at 5:30, and left the house by 6:30 to go to Bankroft Neurohealth for Bankcroft Day. It was Victorian themed, so i wore a black shirt an pair of jeans, black chucks and a pair of victorian-esque fingerless gloves. Ta Da. Anyway, when I got there, one of Father's collegues says to me 'I have an extra 'Victorian-ish' white nightshirt if any of you (Sibling was there also) want to wear it.' Naturally, Sibling declined, but hey, I wasn''t about to pass up dressing up. I love that kinda stuff. So, I slipped the shirt over my head and moved the elasticed sleeves to the center of my forearm, leaving about three inches before my black gloves sarted up. Sibling turned to look at me and want 'you look like an evil baby doll'. I smiled, and looked in a mirror...she wasn't wrong.

After an hour and a half of setting up tables and chairs and tent things, and food equpiment, I stood on my feet for four-five hours scooping out macaroni salad, tossing bags of carrots and adding cookies to hot dog, 'kraut dog, hamburger, or cheeseburger platters. It was fun though, I like Bancroft day.

Then, we, Father, Sibling and I went home where I slept off a spilliting headache for two hours before going off to babysit. I just got back not twenty minutes ago....um, like..2:10 am. It was fun though..I played hungry hungry hippos. I was Henry - he's green, and I won...five out of the seven times we played. Goooood tiiimmmeesss.

And now I am sleepy...So, I'm going to say good night.

Good night,
-Jereality;; ^_6

...May Be Crazy...

I just finished a book called Back Roads, by Tawni O'Dell. My silly brain made me connect with the characters sometimes. Certain times when the protagonist visitis his mother in jail, I teared up a little...Probably because I had a horrible conversation with my own Mother before she left for work. My stress levels can't really handle certain phrases strung together with certain tones of voice. Talking about my future as if it was nothing...I did nothing to provoke her...didn't stop her from making me feel hollow and inhuman. Subhuman. Inadequate. Worthless. I could go on, but I'm sure you all get the point by now.

So, I decided to read for five hours straight, leaving my room for nothing and getting off the bed only to let the cat out of my room. I felt most sorry for the main character's dog, though. Maybe it's empathy...maybe sympathy guilt...or some kind of twisted reality where its all my fault this kid's fictional life is screwed up. Yeah...I'm going to have one helluva time figuring out a thesis for this one.

Tip: Don't Listien To 'Untitled' By Simple Plan When You Feel Like Shit...It Does Nothing,
-Jereality

What Is...

Life?
Existence?
Love?
Reality?

Does anyone have any ideas? Any at all?

We have these discussions in the Education Station where I do my schooling...we go into Socratic circles and discuss these questions that the philosophers pondered over. Today's question was 'Does history exist', to which several people answered 'yes' to, other, like Onyx, said 'no,' and something to the effect of 'no, because it's not a complete history. There are some civilizations that have existed that we don't even know about.' I thought that was an amazing answer, one, that apparantly, evaded me as I answered the question with a simple, 'we only have 'the winners' point of view. The loser is conquered, gone, no more...' Which, now that I think about it, makes much less sense then it did while I was there.

Then there was another question, what have you invented in your reality. Well, first, I discussed my own reality, 'Jereality' - as it is my name, combined with 'reality', very clever, I know. I finally got it out there that I like to watch fights...some...most of which I've instigated and backed away from. That is a terrible character flaw. I should work on that. I'm pretty sure I'm going to work on becoming a better person. Try not to be as sarcastic as I am, hurtful...things like that. Though, it's going to be very difficult because I'm almost positive sarcasm is a defense mechanism of mine. Sorry, this post started good, and ended with me feeling lousy. That kinda sucks for me, doesn't it? Yeah. It does. I'm a terrible person. I'll work on it...

May You Be The Change You Wish To See In The World - Ghandi,
^_6;;Jereality