Dead.

Jace died. Sometime around 9:30...pm. This night. He had been acting strange for the past couple days, and his color sort of drained. I found him face down in the rocks by the bottom of the bowl. I just cleaned it, too...I had cleaned it earlier in the week, but it began to smell like death again, so I cleaned it...I guess I know why it smelled...Jace was dying.



8/5/07-10/27/07
R.I.P Jace - you really were a cool fish. I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep you alive any longer. Though, I did think it was very strange that you'd be staring at me every single time I woke up, I did like you.

Sibling walked in a couple minutes ago...talking about what we should do with his little fish body. I said I didn't know...he was just a fish...she said to put him in a box, that it'd be cute. Said if it had a name, it was part of the family. So I said, when family dies, you put them in boxes. Then she said 'or blankets'.

We buried my first cat, Jake, in a towel. I told her she should leave. I miss Jake so much...that was a low blow, even for her. Now I'm just sitting here, in my room with a dead fish across from me...thinking about how much I miss Jake, and how amazing he was. If he were here now, he'd be right by my side. He would always - if someone wass upset and crying - be right there next to them...just to give them company. He'd stay right in front of the bookcase that was across from my bed, waiting until I fell asleep before he left, prancing in as soon as I got out of bed the next morning.

Greta is going to die soon, I think. She's got too much spirit to die though. She still acts like she's a puppy...she still wants to run, but she can't because her back legs won't work. She can't see because one eye is blind because of the glaucoma. All she can do is lay in her own pee-soaked bed 'cause she can't control her bladder anymore. She's not going to die by herself, though, not for a long time. Keeping her alive is wrong, she can't really live stuck in her bed. But I don't want to lose her either. And she loves us so much, her personality just brightens whenever one of the family is in the room with her. And I can just imagine walking into the vets office to put her down, her just thinking it's another routine thing, 'oh, look, there's my family...' and then the needle, and then she's gone. Betrayed by the people she loves the most. Then I think if she was going to die at home, in her bed...how it'll be most likely that no one will be with her when she goes. She'll be all alone...then she'll be gone...and I won't have her anymore.

I'm gonna go now...get a shower or something....I need to calm down...

Take nothing for granted, life is only so long
-Jereality