So, I'm Feeling...

... a little bit emo right now. Very 'woe is me', and I'm not too sure why. Actually, that's a lie. It's 2009, right now. In three days time now, I will be another year older. Another year gone, with memories I wish I could've made, memories I wish I didn't have... I've lost people, and near the end of 2008, I grew closer to others, some over three months.

I don't know how often I've said this, or how often I've thought it... I think about it a lot, actually... I feel completely and utterly lost on one situation. It's all very trivial when I think about it, and yet half of me still shouts out, telling me that human interaction is very important to living. Humans, by nature, are social creatures...

So, in every good romantic comedy movie, there is the protagonist who is in love with someone who either A. doesn't know the protagonist exists, B. is the protagonist's best friend, or C. is a friend of the protagonist, however is already in a relationship.

That's where I am. I'm letter C, although, I don't know about the whole 'love' thing, because I'm not sure exactly how that feels.

This has been weighing on my mind for a very long time... and it gives me a hopeless feeling, because I know he won't break up with his girl friend - I'm sure they're great together. I really don't know the girl, I hear she's friendly... she even lives close by to my house... Still, I've never really spoken to her. Doesn't really matter, though... because I'm constantly thinking about her boy friend. He's fantastic. He went to my high school... the moment I saw him there, I liked him.

Being shy is a terrible thing.

So, here I am... 'woe is me'-ing. I want them to break up so I can just say something. I"m not going to say anything now because I don't want to ruin the friendship that I worked hard to build up. And it is friendship, he said so. 'What are friends for', he said.

I also don't want them to break up because I did something. I would feel terrible. Everything I hope to become does not include relationship destroyer. I don't want that on my conscience, I would feel way too guilty.

We talk, sometimes, he and I. At strange hours of the night, texting back and forth. Sometimes, when I'm al hopped up on sugar and unable to sleep, I'll call him... I babble on and on about nothing in particular, and he listens. He remembers what I talk about, too... because he asks about it later...

I don't know... If I got a boyfriend, I'd want it to be him... No one else seems to measure up...

I'm screwed.

And boring.

And not so happy.

Also, I'm good at lying... so no one who hasn't read this will think I'm just fine.

Yay.

-_-;; Jereality